Starbody

Admittedly, I’ve been struggling lately. Struggling with day-to-day mundane activities, struggling with my identity and just about everything else you can imagine. Drastic life changes always (for me) prompt close examination of not just the current life I’m living and who I am, but what I’ve left behind. It’s as if I find it necessary to take stock of everything that has led up to the current chaos.

I decided to poke around the ‘ol archives to see what I was writing years ago. Back then, it was mostly about music and friends and enjoying the culture this city has to offer. That’s not so different from now, except there is considerably less time to do it and the priorities have shifted just a bit.

Since the boy was born, I’d make a conscious effort not to write much about him here. At the time I had thought it was just best saved for a family-type blog and kept off of this. But now, I think perhaps I was looking to carve out a tiny little spot to preserve who I was avant l’enfant. Perhaps harking back to days of being a non “breeder” as you singles so fondly like to call us. I also don’t assume anyone else wants to hear about the boy just because I adore him. And I’d been thinking about it even more after reading Kate’s thoughts. The conclusion I came to? Who cares? It’s not like I’m breaking bandwidth records or anything. I write here for just one reason, because I need to. So I might as well be honest about what I write.
I’m going somewhere with this, really. It’s all part of the big picture of what I’ve been wrestling (or wrasslin’ if you prefer) with in the first place. Who I am now. I used to really worry I wouldn’t be the same person. Seriously, I think I might have believed that when you became a mother they handed you your minivan and mom jeans. And though I’ve gotten past that, unexpectedly I’m realizing that I don’t want to do all of the things I did before because I’m a slightly different person … and that’s not a bad thing. It’s like me, plus. I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend and now a mother and I also listen to Bjork, enjoy horror movies and freak out every now and then. I’m good enough, smart enough and darnit people like me. Whew. Is anyone thinking, “What the hell is she on about?”

In close, I’ve just added a new category for baby.