Trying Too Hard
i am grateful for my life, my friends and all of the other things that i form my world. that is not the point. there are days when i just feel like laying down and slipping into a cool, deep, sleep. i’ve stopped wondering why i feel the need to maintain connections, regardless of whether they are meaningful. why i have this need for people to like me, to need me more than i need them. or as a means of passing through time. why i am so disconnected but for a few people who are my touchstones. sometimes day-to-day life is difficult. it would seem that there is a formula, an urban recipe for happiness. Mix well and bake at 350 degrees. and when it’s not enough, you are a criminal. there is something faulty that is in you, but not in those shining, tanned faces walking endless laps around the lake. i don’t want to walk around the lake.
Tuesday, August 3 8:07 am
People suck, except for the ones who don’t. And then, even those people suck sometimes. Unless you’re the one sucking. Maybe it’s not that we’re all starbodies. Maybe we’re all suckbodies. (or maybe it’s all the same thing)
Tuesday, August 3 9:02 am
I’ve been having too many of those days lately too (sometimes I think I’m the one sucking, other times it’s the people around me). It happens. It sucks, but it happens. And then I have a better day. And everything is ok for a while. But I haven’t come close to perfecting the recipe yet.