Marriage Is …

outside the religious traditions and beliefs, what is the purpose of marriage? is it something that you do to celebrate a committment to your partner and share with all of the people you love? or is it a ritual that is perpetuated by society as ‘what you do’ when you reach a certain age (used to be 20s, now it seems as thought the shift is to 30s)? or is it a convenient legal contract that allows advantages of tax benefits and greater chances of owning a home, a second car, consuming more?

it is difficult to embrace marriage as a simple wish to share a committment because it easily and quickly tends to turn in to your parents fantasy, a political nightmare (will she be offended if I didn’t invite her?) and a social pressure cooker (wedding magazines w/2 carat diamonds being the minimum … anything less and you don’t really love her …. embossed napkins and matchbooks …. flowers imported from costa rica … chicken dances …). and what’s a committment anyway, does it have to be paraded out in front of everyone? isn’t the committment already made not with one big choice (i do) but by all the little choices made in a relationship everyday? choices to be honest about how we feel. choices not to see other people. choices to consider the other persons feelings first?

here’s what i think (if you care). i think that getting married is a very personal and potentially beautiful thing that has been turned into somewhat of a product. and even though i do love the idea of celebrating a relationship with all of the people i cherish, it is still difficult for my rebellious grrliness to reconcile it against the feelings i have towards the idea of weddings and societal perceptions of what marriage is. which is silly, because i have always felt as though it didn’t matter what else goes on. it only matters how we feel. and yet i am struggling a bit with this one. perhaps i am not as sure and headstrong as i thought i was? and i guess that’s okay too.