It Was Just Like Christmas
i have a sneaking suspicion that today is not going to be very productive. i have Thursday and Friday off and already i’m thinking about the cookies i’m planning on making all day tomorrow. it’s hard for me to really get into Christmas, but cookies often help … cookies and music.
as for many other people, the holidays are always difficult for me. the stress and pressure of spending money is ridiculous and everywhere. the retailers would have you believe that the true expression of love (how much at least) is buying the perfect (often most expensive) gift for each and every person you care for. most of us have the sense to know that’s not true, but still we get caught up in the wave of holiday shopping. i’m certainly guilty. i like to give presents and use them to let people know that i’ve been thinking about them … rather than just telling them. this year, we tried telling my mom we should just make things for each other. she declined and i’m not sure if it’s because she LOVES to buy presents or because she knew she’d get a single color scarf from me. at any rate, the result of that conversation? i’m awaiting delivery of six huge packages full of presents from her. don’t get me wrong, i do like presents. i should say that i’m grateful to her before you read on, lest you think i’m not. i am.
now the really interesting thing about Christmas with my mom and Chuck is what might be waiting for you inside those boxes. there are the standards: white socks, underthings (not white) and pajamas. these are the foundation of mom’s gift giving and we have come to expect them. i don’t want you to get the wrong idea, but if it weren’t for my mom i might not own practical underwear. if you don’t know what i mean about that, well … you’re probably a single guy. after these are given out, it’s anyone’s guess what you might receive. gifts Mark has received: shiny red shorts (Umbros?) in size L (he’s not a L), penis pasta, a t-shirt that was made to look like the Tommy Hilfiger logo, but instead said Tommy Kowalski bought in the city Mark grew up in (inside Polish joke) and a rubber chicken necklace (if you don’t know what that is, i can’t help you). gifts Heff actually received: the twin to the shiny shorts in a size S (he’s not a S), a t-shirt that said ‘Big Dog’ and knee high socks that made him look like Spongebob Squarepants (he actually loved the socks). gifts i’ve received: salt and pepper shakes shaped like Christmas bulbs, tea (expired and with a sticker that said $.39) and the plastic version of Scarlett O’Hara from Gone With The Wind. often times you are left wondering if this woman knows you at all.
but to borrow an ESPN comment, my mom’s gift giving style is deep, she doesn’t just buy weird stuff. oh sure, there was what we deemed to be the ‘midwest sized’ shirt which although marked as M was much more like an XL with the body of the shirt being wider and the sleeves shorter. these strange and often funny gifts are always liberally interspersed with excellent gifts that are so right on that they couldn’t be from anyone that didn’t know you better than you know yourself. gifts like: a Nintendo 64 (picked over Playstation perfectly since I wanted it for the Zelda games), the perfect pajamas, Sex and The City DVDs, a Le Creuset cookware, Silpat liners, binoculars, tons of books and much, much more.
so maybe, i should revise what i first said. it’s hard for me to get into Christmas until my mom arrives. this year, it’s not until New Year’s day and we have been stiffly instructed that are not to shake, peel at or open any of the presents she’s sent until she’s arrived. we’ve been talking about having a limo sent out to pick her and Chuck up at the airport just for fun. and you wonder why i’m so spoiled?
