Deep Thoughts
there are many things on my mind lately. and strangely it has taken a long conversation with a friend that has purged it onto the web. the conversation was about friendships and the changes that come along with those. the key for me in the most profound relationships i have is the fact that in all of them, we allow each other to change and grow. the hardest lessons i learned after i went away to school, were those that involved letting go of people you thought you meant something to and vice versa. i believe that people can change, regardless of whether they have made poor choices in the past. i also believe that those changes can happen with support. everyone has the choice to stay or to go.
loosely related to this conversation (only in that it triggered the thought), i have been staring at this letter on my bookshelf for a couple months now. my mother handed it to me the day Mark and i were married. sometimes, i have the distinct feeling that it’s actually staring at me. i have read it only once. it is the white elephant that greets me everyday. i have not re-opened it because it is from my father. this is unique in itself because i never have thought of my father as one to put thoughts to paper. he worked for an automotive company, loved classic cars and reading the newspaper on the floor early on weekend mornings. i just don’t remember ever seeing him write letters or the like. the other interesting thing about this letter is that not only was it written on February of 1974 but my father died in 1986. he has been gone from me for 17 years now. i take much stock in written letters, especially since things are increasingly tech based. this letter will eventually take its place alongside the following in my grandmother’s jewelry box:
this letter, per my father’s instructions, was to be given to me on my wedding day. i just can’t bring myself to read it again. the contents are painful and blurry. i thought of it again because of conversations about friendship and what a good friend is. it made me think about what is really important and how silly some things can be. day to day many things can be built up until something happens that makes you realize what really matters. perhaps this is too cryptic. i can’t be more specific than that. it’s the day after tuesday.
Thursday, December 11 12:03 pm
I was reading your deep thought entry for Dec 10. It made me teary eyed. I was really touched by this entry. I never knew this about you.
As I have said before, I am so happy to have you as my friend =)
Thursday, December 11 12:11 pm
thank you for the very sweet comment. it is appreciated